You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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