They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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