Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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