I wanna bring you to show and tell
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
