it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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