I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
