When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
