I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
