I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
