I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Come on in and take your pants off
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
