I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
