i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
