And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
