Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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