the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
