Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
