I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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