I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
