Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
