I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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