i don't like sucking hair
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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