My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize