he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
