4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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