Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
