Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
