Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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