I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
