Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
