I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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