Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
