Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
