IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
