Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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