Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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