well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
