so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
