i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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