You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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