If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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