Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
