I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
