i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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