I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
