these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
