I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
