your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
