I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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