my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
