how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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