i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
