Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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