i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
