Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
